General Patton:
Be seated. Now, I want you to remember that no bastard ever
won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor
dumb bastard die for his country. Men, all this stuff you've heard about America
not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the war, is a lot of horse
dung. Americans, traditionally, love to fight. All real
Americans love the sting of battle.
When you were kids, you all admired the
champion marble shooter, the fastest runner, the big league ball players,
the toughest boxers. Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a
loser. Americans play to win all the time. Now, I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a man who
lost and laughed. That's why Americans have never lost and will never lose
a war. Because the very thought of losing is hateful to Americans.
Now, an army is a team. It lives, eats, sleeps,
fights as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. The bilious
bastards who wrote that stuff about individuality for the Saturday Evening
Post don't know anything more about real battle than they do about
fornicating.
Now, we have the finest food and equipment, the
best spirit, and the best men in the world.
You know, by God, I actually
pity those poor bastards we're going up against. By
God, I do. We're not just going to shoot the bastards. We're going to cut
out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.
We're going to murder those lousy Hun bastards by the bushel.
Now, some of you boys, I know, are wondering
whether or not you'll chicken-out under fire. Don't worry about it. I can
assure you that you will all do your duty. The Nazis are the enemy. Wade
into them. Spill their blood. Shoot them in the belly. When you put your
hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face,
you'll know what to do.
Now, there's another thing I want you to
remember. I don't want to get any messages saying that we are holding our
position.
We're not holding anything. Let the Hun do that.
We are
advancing constantly and we're not interested in holding onto anything --
except the enemy.
We're going to hold onto him by the nose, and we're
gonna kick him in the ass.
We're gonna kick the hell out of him all
the time, and we're gonna go through him like crap through a goose!
Now, there's one thing that you men will be able to say
when you get back home, and you may thank God for it.
Thirty years from now when you're sitting
around your fireside with your grandson on your knee, and he asks you,
"What did you do in the great World War II?" -- you won't have to say, "Well,
I shoveled shit in Louisiana."
Alright now you sons-of-bitches,
You know how I
feel.
Oh, I will be proud
to lead you wonderful guys
into battle anytime,
anywhere.
That's all.
General George S. Patton
Research Note: Tristan MacAvery is
credited with identifying the word "bilious" in the clause, "those
bilious bastards...." The word formerly appearing on this page was
incorrectly identified as "biggest."
